Thoughtful? Forward thinking? Prudent? Single women who choose to freeze their eggs are all of these descriptions, but they are not, despite what one physician says, "desperate".
A major breakthrough in preserving women’s reproductive options was achieved about a decade ago and has begun to be embraced by more and more women with the financial means in their 30’s and early 40’s: egg freezing. Even two family-friendly tech companies have announced plans to cover the pricey procedure by insurance. While this won’t help the 7.3 million American families currently diagnosed with infertility, it is certainly great news for the next generation of women who desire to become parents at some point in their future.
Although there are many factors leading to a diagnosis of infertility, the inevitable aging process or the incidence of certain diseases are certainly prominent and incontrovertible facts. Changing socio-economic dynamics in our population means that people - men and women - are staying single longer, which, given longer life expectancy due to scientific advances, is a logical behavioral adjustment for both sexes. The egg freezing technology doesn't exactly extend fertility in the same way that Viagra extends libido or hip replacement surgery provides for extended mobility, but it does provide new opportunities. It liberates not only women, but men too, who find themselves in love with a woman their own age and don't want to choose between a real partner who they love or a mythical partner who can still conceive with her own eggs. It gives women options, puts them on par with men who can delay genetic parenthood until the timing is more optimal in their lives. For women who formerly had the choice to risk their fertility in order to save their lives with chemotherapy or radiation treatment, egg freezing is a godsend. It is undoubtedly a majestic opportunity - for those who can afford it - to preserve their dreams of becoming moms.
Elle Magazine published an article about Egg Freezing in the April Issue ("Frozen Assets"), which lays out some of the obstacles and successes of egg freezing for women, as well as the impact on the choices freezing has on women.
One infertility specialist, however, used his interview for this article as an opportunity to denigrate women and reduce egg freezing (from which his clinic no doubt benefits greatly) to nothing but a salve for the hysteria of spinsterhood: "The freezing effect is a real phenomenon," according the Alan Copperman, M.D.. He claims that women's dating lives improve after freezing their eggs: "They're more relaxed. They're not desperate." (emphasis added)
In one sentence, Dr. Copperman insulted and dismissed the legitimate fears and pain of infertility patients and sent single women back to the 50's: He referenced the " 'just relax' and you'll get pregnant" fallacy, undermining the fact that infertility is actually a disease recognized by the CDC and the World Health Organization. And he demoted the legitimate choices of women to preserve their eggs for future conception pursuit to their need to reduce their alleged desperation to escape the curse of being left on the shelf. He ignored the socio-dynamic changes that affect both men's and women's choices to delay marriage as well as the economic realities of an increasingly competitive environment where two income families are the necessary norm. Copperman's dating advice to single women is "just freeze your eggs and you'll find husband", as if egg expiration anxiety was the primary reason for prolonged single-hood. Most egregiously for publication in a women's magazine, he made women sound like their sole reason for looking for men is to get knocked up. Silly women! Just relax!
The decision to undergo treatment to freeze one's eggs is not made lightly. For cancer patients, it is simply a miracle. And for single women, whatever their reasons for delaying the attempt to conceive, it is a phenomenal opportunity to not have to sacrifice one dream for another - if you can afford it (or work for a socially advanced company). Responsible choices should never be relegated as the acts of "desperate" women. And men, particularly those benefitting from those choices, should stop promoting this outdated idea that catching a man is a woman's reason for everything.
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