It's my party and I'll cry if I want to

I am asked regularly “why do you support Hillary?” I was even asked that at the launch of her presidential campaign, by a New York Times reporter.

Yeah, because she’s a woman. And of course, because of the “issues” (her positions seem to become more refined and have more clarity in the same way that mine have, with time and maturity). But for me, it’s deeply personal. Painfully so. It’s because she supports me. Provokes me. Elevates me.

I’ll save the extended play version for the book I intend to write, but the critical part of the story is how she energizes me into always pushing harder. I don’t want to stay “inspires”, that’s a passive word. It’s not her words, speeches or her books. Not the badass sunglasses photo. It’s her actions. Her ingenuity. Her refusal to never give up.

This is a painful story for me to write. If you know me, you know that tears come to me far too readily. I used to be embarrassed by them. And more so, by my inability to hold them back at the most inopportune times. Now I just let them fall. My ever-ready, ever-flowing tears reflect the pain that is a part of me. But just a part of me. They aren’t getting in the way of action, and that’s because of Hillary.

On Sunday, July 25, 2004, I woke up very early to head to NYU’s fertility clinic for a beta test (blood work to detect pregnancy) before getting in my car to drive to Boston for the Democratic National Convention. Just after crossing the Massachusetts state line, I received the phone call with the words I was dying to hear: “Congratulations, you’re pregnant”. I threw the top back on my Miata, and drove the rest of the way up the Mass Pike, blasting Bruce and ecstatically screaming at the top of my lungs. The proverbial primal yell. Upon arrival in Boston to the site of my first event, I was hoarse and still flying high, and practically the first person I saw was Hillary Clinton. I reached out from the sidelines and yanked her arm, pulling her to me so that I could whisper in her ear “I’m pregnant”. She stopped her trek to the microphones before a crowd of hundreds, to hug me and share a moment of my joy.

A few weeks later, she asked how I was feeling and I had to tell her it was over. And I went through that cycle multiple times. Failure and loss. At that point, she was running for Senate re-election and I had started - while still going through infertility treatment - to advocate for better coverage and protection for infertility patients. It didn’t matter what event I was at or where we were: every time I saw Hillary, she first stopped to ask me how I was and what was happening. One of those days stands out in my memory: there was a debate the night before and I wanted to share my thoughts and praise her performance, but she waved that away, and looked me directly in the eyes and said “How are YOU?” Aware of my difficulties and the toll it was taking on me emotionally, she had researched where I could get additional support, informing me of this at a breakfast the day after the first New Hampshire debate.

Knowing of the work I was doing to gain insurance coverage for infertility patients, then-Senator Clinton promised to help me. After meeting with her staff in January of 2007, her aides confirmed that they would find a way to assist my efforts, although not necessarily through the legislative agenda I proposed. A few months later, I learned from the President of RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association, that the Center of Disease Control had received a phone call from Senator Clinton, asking "what were they doing about infertility?" Not enough, clearly.

It took quite a few years, but the CDC recently released a National Health Action Plan for the Detection, Prevention and Management of Infertility. While I am so very proud of my role - together with that of hundreds of professionals and volunteers for RESOLVE across the country - in achieving this great milestone towards improving the lives of the 7.3 million Americans diagnosed with infertility, it is patently clear that this would never have happened without the fulfillment of Hillary’s promise to me.

I wonder how many hundreds - no, thousands - of people across the country have shared their private pain with her and how many she has helped, not always in the traditional manner. Sometimes you just can’t enact legislation to address a problem, or throw money at it to solve it. Sometimes you have to be a little creative to find an alternative path.

Shortly after she announced her candidacy for the Presidency, I was privileged to again see Secretary Clinton. She first asked me how I was doing, as she always does, with deeply focused, all-seeing, kind attention in her eyes. When I again thanked her for her help in achieving the National Action Plan, she reached over and hugged me, and, knowing that it’s a struggle for me to fight for a cause that’s the source of such pain, she whispered in my ear: “Keep Going.”

I never had many real-life role models. Law firms are cut-throat places and partners (notably, and especially the women) were more focused on their own achievement than reaching down to help a young associate. There are two other people in my life who have been my teachers and who put me on this path, but Hillary is the one who keeps me on it. She’s been challenged, she’s even “failed” (for those who think “failure is not an option”, think again.) She’s had to change directions. Multiple times. And each time, she simply accepts the challenge and excels. The Super Hero part of it, however, isn’t that she does it alone. But that she demonstrates how it’s done, offers encouragement, and is willing to find a way to assist, so others can do it too. That’s what she does for me.

I attended the “official launch” of the Hillary for America campaign today, and brought along a friend’s daughter to witness this historic event. When Secretary Clinton saw me with this young lady - the future - she stopped, knowing of my unrequited dreams to have my own daughter, to take a photo with us. When Hillary said: “America can’t succeed unless YOU succeed”, she meant it. She meant me, and my efforts to get federal legislation to alleviate the financial struggles for infertility patients, and she meant you, and your commitments to address the inequities and unique ills with which each of my readers are struggling. She added, that among all of the epithets thrown at her, the one that they could never call her is “quitter”. I hope that is never said about me either.

I was asked today if Hillary is more left wing, or centrist on fiscal issues. People desperately want to categorize her candidacy in the old terms - right, left, center. Hillary defies category. Her approach comes from listening to the needs of real people and a commitment to improve their lives; not to only adhere to some old, fixed ideas about about red and blue rules. This country needs a new paradigm, an approach that combines the best of who we are with a new way to achieve progress. Hillary not only presents it, she manifests it. Just look at me, I’m still at it. Because she told me to.

So it’s my birthday. And with each year, I leave the old dreams further behind. To find a new paradigm. I haven’t figured it out yet But while Hillary doesn’t have the answers for me, she’s showing me a path. To keep going. I hope you’ll join me.